Here’s a little perspective on me:
My mother abandoned me at the age of eleven.
My father removed me from his life three times and continuing.
My sisters and I no longer speak.
My friends are few and far between and honestly rarely around to see or know what it is I really need.
Everyone in my life who was supposed to love me simply did not and now I don’t know where that leaves me or means about me.
I am really in need of something.
So lets recap my life real quick
1. Moved to LA
2. Shit hit the fan
3. Got back in Texas
4. Clean shit from fan
This part sucks.
I don’t think I’ve really changed
more like continued disguising myself with same,
was it for your or my own personal gain?
no one’s to blame, we all feel the same,
at some point or another
or not, but its worth it.
Oh its worth it they say, but the dead’s not dead until
the death of that day and then its gone,
the last light shown on this hollowed out body
and we’re left torn,
discarded the problems that come with your hobbies
and in lobbies,
they’d find you there with all the young pretty things
asking whether or not the next one wants to ride with you anyways
but i’ll say,
no thanks to the hand with the handouts and goodbye
to the lies that will not stand so don’t bother tonight,
Life in LA
things have definitely not been going the way I envisioned they would be
but that’s saying the least.
I’m more than happy
and I’m still living
and things are going to be great.
love and miss this
Moving to LA = Not going to be on Tumblr for a while
since I’m not bringing a laptop or anything of the sort lol.
my blackberry’s internet doesn’t even work so.
fuck it. yolo
feel free to unfollow
or stick around for the
to be continued love show
of skyler drake and his arsenal
but until then
enjoy the show
I’m the type of person who needs it.
I need to feel reassured.
I need to know.
I have to believe things are worth being
I’ve been feeling so bummed after my weekend in Killeen
and I’ve discovered its because right at the end
right before I’m about to leave
I got everything I needed.
I have everything I want and need
right here and right now
and I’m finally happy
in this in between
but there’s something bigger waiting for me
I do not like how I’m feeling
Everything is shaky and there is way too much remembering.
Vivid landscapes painted in the best colors of you and me.
How do we ever know if we’re doing the right thing?
Basing decision from feeling is a dangerous thing,
they tend to be so misleading.
Guided by something deeper than feeling,
is it intuition or simply guessing?
Is everything alright or constantly bleeding?
Okkervil River is doin it for me tonight
finally something fitting to my mood.
I’m honestly ready to drink myself into the death of me and texas.
I don’t want to feel anything while I’m leaving.
I’d rather try to avoid the sad till after I’m leaving.
Because I know I wont cry in front of strangers
and hopefully I’ll be so happy about being in LA
I’ll be able to skip that entire stage
at least for a little :\
Roz is coming over after work if she can score some bud.
On my last oz shakes trying to make it last till tomorrow evening.
Getting an eighth o some dro tomorrow for the night/the trip so.
Getting a bottle to wash away the goodbye sorrow for me and my friends.
Picking up amy in the evening and drinking till morning when its time to leave.
San Antonio did you love me so?
I think I should let you know,
I’ve been far too eager and ready to let you go.
I loved you more than even I thought I’d known.
Tonight I will smoke and sing alone.
Rosaline will come and smoke and we’ll jam out and get stoned.
Try not to think about the past or about me having to go.
Just picturing tomorrow, Its almost
Too much for the soul.
amy is on the bus here
and will be getting here tomorrow night at like 11.
we’re gonna have a party with the austin kids and janelle
and get smashed wasted drunk
and then leave first thing the next morning
so friday party and saturday leave.
while I’m getting Amy I’ll have janelle watch the place
and make sure everyone’s nice and drunk
by the time we get back with lol
finally started hardcore packing.
my kitchen is ready for my sister to come and get
the last of the things I’m giving her
and everything else is trash or
is coming with me.
My one suitcase packing is
actually working out semi-nicely.
Got a ton of other things that won’t fit
but they’ve all pretty much found
another means of coming with me.
Dont know what im gonna do about
trying to get all these clothes in that suitcase though.
Its jam packed and it only has books and pants in it so far.
:P but all my other shit is packed and ready to leave so
at least its just clothes standing between me and being done packing.
Getting some more pizza since my fridge is empty
to last me for today and tomorrow
and then its time to leave.
I cant believe this is actually happening.